I turned on NPR (National Public
Radio) one day this week and I found myself listening to an interview
about complaining. I was catching the tale end of the program, but
the guest's thesis seemed to be that it doesn't pay to complain.
Complaining that is not directed to a solution serves no purpose. I
believe he was also saying that the less complaining, the happier the
person will be. Complaining only serves to get you to focus on what
you're complaining about and makes you feel worse.
I thought it was an interesting idea, and I considered making a
resolution to complain less and so proceed on the road of life happily
ever after. And then the interviewer said to the guest "I guess
you're not Jewish!" She went on to explain that it is pretty much
Jewish to complain. As she said, we call it kvetching. I immediately
considered rescinding my resolution since this is truly part of my
birthright. Within a matter of seconds, she was talking to a new guest
who is the author of a recent book called Born to Kvetch. We have that
on our coffee table at home. According to the author, Michael Wex, we
are a community of kvetchers. Is that true? Do we kvetch
disproportionately more than other members of society.
We are, after all, descendants of those who Moses called the Stiff
Necked People. When the Israelites got out of Egypt and you think they
would have been as happy as can be, not so. They were kvetching
endlessly. At one point, Moses, as great as he was, tells G-d he can't
take their complaining any more. They didn't like the weather in the
desert. They didn't like the food. They recalled the good old days
when the food was so good in Egypt. You have to be a big time kvetcher
when you complain that things aren't as good as they were when you
were slaves.
Actually, Michael Wex, expert on kvetching explained that we Jews too
often have had something to really complain about. Life hasn't been
easy since the ten lost tribes were lost, then the destruction of the
Temple and exile to Babylonia, Haman, Antiochus and the years leading
up to the Hanukkah story, then the destruction of the second Temple
by the Romans and the total destruction of the city of Jerusalem.
We're only in the second century. There are still eighteen more
centuries each with more reasons to complain.
Mr. Wex went on to explain how we Jews are even supposed to be
complainers. Our mandate is to make the world a better place. In order
to want to make something better, you have to first complain about how
things are now. If things aren't so bad why would you want to go to
the effort to make them better? My resolution is officially
rescinded.
Jackie Mason has a whole routine on how a Jew going into a restaurant
and being seated is far different from a Gentile. A Gentile pulls up
his chair, is seated and orders his meal. A Jew says, "This is not a
table for me. It is too close to the wall... not close enough to the
wall. It is drafty... it's too stuffy. There's too much traffic around
the table... why did they stick me so far away in the corner." By the
time the Jewish patron is about ready to order, the Gentile is
finishing dessert. This is so funny because it is so true for many.
Underneath the laughter however, it's not so funny. Any people
persecuted as we have, develops a sort of complex. If they're telling
me to sit here, there must be something wrong with the table. They
didn't tell anyone else to sit here. That's why the table is empty.
Even worse, after the horrible tragedy of Jews being herded to the
most horrid destinations, we don't exactly like people saying "Follow
me... right this way."
The interviewer on NPR wasn't buying her guest's anti-complaining
shtick. At one point she said something to the effect, "I find that I
feel really relieved after some good complaining. I get it all off my
chest. It is really cathartic." I think that can be true if you
complain to a good empathic listener otherwise it's not really worth
the breath it takes.
So is there any kvetching in our Parsha this week? You bet and this
complaining takes the cake. I have been involved in my share of
fundraising campaigns, and I assure you I have never complained like
these kvetchers in our Torah portion. Let me quote the Torah text
"But, when the Israelites continued to bring freewill offerings
morning after morning, all the artisans said to Moses, 'The people are
bringing more than is needed for the tasks entailed in the work of the
Lord.'" Moses thereupon had this proclamation, "let no man or woman
make further effort toward gifts for the Sanctuary!" Can you imagine
this? The artisans complaining to Moses that the people were giving
too much. I know that artisans are a temperamental lot but this
complaining is a shandeh. There are some things you just don't
complain about. This type of kvetching has never been repeated in any
fundraising drive again throughout Jewish history.
So here it is in a nutshell what I want to say.
1.
Don't tell us to never complain. It is our birthright. The truth is,
there are things in life to complain about, and if you don't complain,
you're not motivated to make things better.
1A.
Keep your eyes open to those things really deserving of a good kvetch.
2.
Don't complain too much or people will start complaining about you.
Save your complaints for those things really worth complaining about.
3.
Be selective about to whom you
complain.
4.
And for every complaint, be sure to offer five compliments or for
every complaint think about five things you are grateful for or for
every complaint, five things that are going just right in life. If you
do this, I promise you that you will be much happier. If it works
great! If it doesn't work, please don't complain to me!
* Be happy, it's almost Adar II! Purim is in a few weeks. It's
time to be a little less serious and sometimes even a little silly.
Shabbat
Shalom
