Active Happiness
D'var Torah: Shabbat Sukkot
October
10, 2003
After delivering five sermons through
the course of the High Holy Days, I had the sense that there
was one line in particular most remembered from all the
sermons. It was from the sermon on "The Holiness of Laughter"
regarding the research that shows that adults laugh on average
26 times a day. This is 174 times less than
children laugh
on average each day but still nothing to sneeze at. If we
laughed 26 times a day, we would be doing OK I think.
Someone thanked
me for the sermon saying, the way life has been these past
couple of years, we really needed to just have an
opportunity to
laugh. That is true and I have the feeling that would apply to
any period of time. Whatever the pressure de j our is, there is
a need to relieve the stress and laugh.
I was speaking to my brother in law (who is a rabbi)
Thursday evening, comparing our High Holy Day experiences and
he was telling me about a colleague of ours who is on
sabbatical and spent the High Holy Days in Hawaii. I couldn't
help but tell my brother in law the following joke. It is
about a rabbi who takes a vacation in Hawaii, a place he
wanted to go his whole life. There was
something else,
for some strange reason, he wanted to do his whole life. He
wanted to taste a roasted pig. He was otherwise a fine Jew and
a pretty good rabbi but he always had this mishegas
about the pig. So when he was finally in Hawaii, he sat down
in a restaurant and he figured no one in the world would know
him there. This is his big chance and so he ordered the
roasted pig. Oftselookhes, (yes, you know what this
means) he turns around and he sees the president of his
congregation walk into the
restaurant. The
president spots him and walks over to his table. The rabbi
looks up at the president and says "You know its funny......
you order an apple here and look how they serve it!"
Today, I want to talk about happiness. Laughing and
happiness are not synonymous but they are surely related.
Our holiday of Sukkot which is now upon us is the only
festival of the year known as Z'man Simhateynu - the season of
our happiness. No other
holiday is
known by this phrase. Pesah is the season of our
freedom and
Shavuot is the season of the gift of the Torah. Sukkot is the
season of our happiness and our thanksgiving festival. The
Pilgrims fashioned our American Thanksgiving holiday after the
biblical Sukkot which they knew very well. Dennis Prager, our
Scholar in
Residence a few years ago and author of the book
Happiness Is a Serious Problem: A Human Nature Repair Manual
spoke about how gratitude is at the heart of happiness. It
makes sense then that our thanksgiving festival would be the
season of our happiness. When you feel grateful, you also feel
happy. When you focus on those things for which you are
grateful, you increase your happiness. One who feels no
gratitude is hard pressed to feel happiness. Someone who
most focuses on what is missing in their life and what they
want is more likely unhappy.
I learned something about happiness some weeks ago from
a congregant. When he shared the following thoughts with me, I
was so moved, I asked him if I could, at some point, share
them with the congregation and he said absolutely. This is
that time.
I see this member of our congregation regularly as he
has been going through a terribly difficult and painful time.
I'll explain no more to preserve his privacy. At our last
meeting, he told me that each day he tries to plan some
activities that might bring him happiness. I know that there
is much that brings him sadness. He makes it a point to
schedule these activities in advance each day. He
explained to me
how he quantifies the activities. He has activities that he
rates as a plus one, or two or three. I think he told me that
coming to Friday evening services is a plus two. Riding a bike
on the boardwalk, he said, ranks higher. I understand. There
are then incidents that get a negative ranking from minus one
to three. He tries to plan the positive happiness activities,
avoid the negative and at the end of each day, he calculates
what the final count is for the day.
His question to me at that meeting was whether his
purposeful pursuit of happiness activities is Judaically
ethical given all of the sadness that surrounds him. This is a
question that many who are living in all types of difficult
situations ask. How can I have any moments of happiness
when... and the sentence is ended in a myriad of ways. My
response was strongly in the affirmative. Judaism endorses
happiness and I heartily endorsed his life affirming
exercise. I knew that he had in no way ignored his many
family obligations. Just the opposite, he has been faithfully
and lovingly responsible to those in need of his support so
why not then create these moments of happiness. The great
Bratslaver Rebbe, Reb Nachman taught that it is a great
Mitzvah to be happy always. Always is a tall order but
creating moments of happiness is in fulfillment of this
teaching. The psalmist repeatedly tells us to come before G-d
in joy. We are not to come before G-d ongebloosen or
broyges. Joy should be our demeanor. We might hope that
joy just come naturally but for many, it just doesn't.
There is a part of my congregant's approach that I know
I can't follow and a part that I hope to try to incorporate in
my own life. I know that I can't be so exact as to quantify my
behaviors and tally the score at the end of the day. A few
people have told me that they have started counting how many
times they laugh each day and I'm afraid they will come to
find laughing no laughing matter. Added to this, what happens,
if day after day, I finish with a negative score and then I'll
see in black and white my level of unhappiness. While that
seems intimidating, perhaps there's truly value in this. It
would mean, change your life style unless you want to stay so
unhappy.
What I like most is the idea of planning what we'll
call happiness activities. I like the idea of being proactive
rather than passive about our happiness. Each of us could
probably make a list of behaviors and activities that bring us
some measure of happiness. The next step is to plug them into
the day and week and month. These behaviors could range from
reading a novel, riding a bike, taking a walk in the park,
seeing a movie, going out to eat, taking an Adult Ed. class,
an afternoon off from work, getting together with a certain
friend, performing some act of kindness for another, coming to
a Shabbat service and your list can go on and on. Exercise
should be part of these planned activities. It is known to
raise the level of endorphins in the brain which can bring on
even a sense of euphoria. How many days go by where you've
worked from morning until too late, you are past tired and
only to repeat the routine the following day. That day becomes
days and it can become even weeks. You're so busy with so many
commitments that you take no time for yourself or activities
that will bring you some happiness or some relaxation. There
may be little to look forward to unless you purposely plan
these activities. When you look at your calendar, it should
show you not only the many commitments you have but the
scheduled activities that will raise your happiness quotient.
Happiness is not this simple to be sure. Happiness is
more complex than planning happiness activities. Some people
find meaning and satisfaction in their work day which brings
some happiness. Those who are dissatisfied with their work can
only be unhappy during working hours. Some people have a
natural
proclivity
towards happiness and others fight a lingering sadness or
worse depression. Some find themselves in naturally happy
surroundings and others cope with difficult and troubling
circumstances. While happiness is not as simple as a string of
enjoyable
activities, it is a step in the right direction. The central
point that I learned from this dear congregant is that
happiness is not something that comes by grace but a feeling
that we have to
seek. Yes, it
is good to be happy and whatever our life circumstances, we
have the right to be happy. Someone who dedicates his whole
life to the pursuit of happiness and pleasure
may be a
hedonist. As Maimonides taught, there is a golden mean for
everything. Given our serious commitments in life and the
burdens that
naturally come our way, I don't think many or any of us are in
jeopardy of becoming a hedonist. With a little work, we might
just find ourselves enjoying life a little more and even
without keeping score, raising our level of happiness. I would
be most interested in your thoughts and reactions to this
topic of happiness, what brings you happiness or what prevents
it. I want to continue thinking and reading about this and
would appreciate your
reactions.
At sundown on Friday, the holiday of Sukkot begins. We
are planning to have Shabbat dinner and Shabbat lunch in our
Sukkah. That brings me happiness. The possibility of there
being fewer bees this year since we've had some chilly nights
makes me even happier. There's a murder mystery I started in
August and haven't had the time to finish. I want to find out
who did it. I just bought Pat Conroy's new book which I
mentioned on Yom Kippur My Losing Season. This past
week, I began learning to play the guitar and can already play
a song. I'm in the process of making my own list of happiness
activities.
And so, most of all, my best for a Happy Sukkot, truly a
season of happiness for you, a Sukkot and more days to come
filled with happiness.
Shabbat Shalom and Hag Sameah!
- Rabbi Perlstein
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