Tomorrow, October 2, 2006
is the 40th anniversary of my becoming a Bar Mitzvah. I know
some of you are thinking, he doesn’t look 53 and others are
thinking- he’s only 53? - looks much older. The white robe
actually makes me look much older. I take my shoes to a
shoemaker in the area. Janie went to this shoemaker for the
first time recently and when the women at the counter asked
for her name Janie said Janie Perlstein. The woman said “Oh,
is that your father that comes in here?” Janie some how
felt she needed to share this story with me as soon as she
got home.It is only 40 years since my Bar Mitzvah and I
remember my Bar Mitzvah well. I always wonder what Bar and
Bat Mitzvahs will remember some years down the road and will
they remember the name of the rabbi who stood with them on
the Bimah? My rabbi was Rabbi Pinchos Chazin who just past
away this year. I learned a great deal from Rabbi Chazin
sitting in the congregation and listening to him every
Shabbat for a number of years. I learned much from him that
has served me well in the rabbinate and I will be forever
grateful to him. It is really because of Rabbi Chazin and
Mimi Pollack that I ventured out from Oxford Circle to the
uncharted wilderness of Richboro Pennsylvania in 1976.
My Bar Mitzvah was a Sunday morning, the second day of the
intermediary days of Sukkot so the holidays were earlier
that year or later this year. The Cantor of the synagogue,
Felix Fogelman, resigned before my Bar Mitzvah and the High
Holy Day Cantor engaged for that year left the day before my
Bar Mitzvah. Mimi Pollack’s father Isaac Kopper was the
Shaliach Tzibur at my Bar Mitzvah. We came full circle when
I officiated at his three grandchildren’s B’nai Mitzvah here
and then officiated at each of their weddings and named his
great grandchildren on our Bimah. As Jackie Gleason said
“How sweet it is.”
My Bar Mitzvah service was
at Temple Sholom at Large and the Blvd, now a church. If you
notice me focused on maintaining Ohev Shalom as a vibrant
dynamic synagogue in this community for many years to come,
that recent fact plays a role. The reception for my Bar
Mitzvah was at a Kosher Catering Hall called the Wynn on
54th street in Wynnefield, in what was then, a soon to be
formerly lovely Jewish neighborhood. I wore my black mohair
suit that my parents took me to buy in Krass Brothers on
South Street. Nothing was too good for me. It was the store
of the stars. I had my black wing tip shoes and a thin tie
that was the fashion in 66 and a high pop up white Bar
Mitzvah Kippah which was also the fashion at the time. It
was a good look. It poured the night before my Bar Mitzvah
and our 61 Plymouth wouldn’t start in the morning. It
finally started and we got to the synagogue. The Wynn was a
whole operation with multiple parties going on
simultaneously. We were on the second floor and there was
evidently a hole in the roof just like we had here for many
years and I can still see Mrs. Pron who lived across the
street slip across the floor.
Going back three years
before my Bar Mitzvah, I remember vividly a moment when I
was ten years old. I was walking out the back door of our
house and for some reason I feared I would never be able to
read from the Torah and so I would never be able to have a
Bar Mitzvah. I was actually becoming a pretty good Hebrew
reader and I loved going and leading Junior Congregation
services and the M&Ms we got at the end and I had become
quite proficient in throwing the M&Ms in the air and
catching them in my mouth. We must have just learned what
the Hebrew in the Torah looked like-no vowels- and I was
convinced this was all but beyond me. I somehow made it that
October 2nd but I still vividly recall the mistakes I made
reading from the Torah. I am proud to say tough that I could
do a better job today than I did then. Hows that? Would that
every Jew could say the same. I did make mistakes, but I
somehow must have loved it, because I returned to read Torah
again and again. I was actually right when I was ten years
old. The Torah is overwhelming. I still feel that and I feel
so fortunate that I get to spend so much time in such close
proximity.
The best moment of that day
October 2 was oddly enough when it was all over after the
party walking to my grandparents’ home a few blocks away
where our immediate family gathered I wasn’t really a
party animal at 13 and true to my nature, I have remained
not much of a party animal 40 years later.
And so how do I feel today
on the 40th anniversary of my Bar Mitzvah. I feel fine thank
you. I feel deeply grateful to celebrate this day with
twelve hundred of my closest friends. Actually, it is the
70th anniversary of the Bar Mitzvah that is a big deal.
According to tradition one celebrates his second Bar Mitzvah
at 83, has an Aliyah and, if at all possible, recites his
Haftarah again.
As I said, 40 years after becoming a Bar Mitzvah, I feel a
tremendous sense of gratitude. I think that’s what birthdays
and anniversaries should be; days of profound gratitude. A
little more than a month ago, I stood with a couple under
the Huppah as they renewed their love and commitment to each
other on their 50th wedding anniversary. The groom was only
kibbitzing when he told me in response to my question of
what is the secret to 50 years of marriage and he said,
“Everything is in her name.” I could see the love he had for
his wife. I was taken with the depth of gratitude due at
such an amazing celebration. I felt that gratitude with
them and for them. Both spouses alive and in relative good
health and their love for each other was still clearly in
tact. So much could have prevented that joyful day from
arriving. They are fortunate. That 50th anniversary was a
celebration of gratitude.
For that reason I feel
grateful. In my work, I am too often confronted by lives
that end far too soon or by those who are faced with a
diminished quality of life far too early. Not only from my
work but from my own life experiences, I have come to take
nothing for granted. I do not take for granted for a moment
this joy of standing with you at this time 40 years after
becoming a Bar Mitzvah.
Our scholar in residence
this past year, Rabbi Joseph Telushkin, spoke about
gratitude being at the heart of happiness. Happiness grows
out of gratitude. An ungrateful person can not also be
happy. If you want to be happy, begin by focusing on what
you are grateful for.
Take a moment now and think
about something you are grateful for. Let something come to
mind and focus on it. If you are doing this with me, you
should feel some joyful affect that goes with your thought.
If you could be grateful for the many, many simple and not
so simple blessings in your life, you could raise your
happiness quotient exponentially. For some reason we tend to
focus on what we don’t have in life and this brings us no
joy. Judaism’s traditional blessings are designed to have us
express our gratitude to G-d for all that is good in or
lives and that gratitude leads to happiness.
I am grateful to be here
with you and being here with you makes me very happy. I
celebrated becoming a Bar Mitzvah on my synagogue Bimah and
I stand tonight on our synagogue Bimah and I consider myself
deeply fortunate. I could entitle these 40 years from Bimah
to Bimah. I am also deeply fortunate that I have stood on
this one Bimah for a good number of years now. Some rabbis
seem to be following the billboard that reads Join the
Rabbinate and see America. I did not take that road.
On this Bimah, one of my
greatest joys is celebrating a young person becoming Bat or
Bar Mitzvah in our synagogue. How many have I officiated at
now? I recall once having breakfast with Rabbi Morris
Shoulson in Jerusalem. Rabbi Shoulson, Joel Shoulson’s
father was the Mohel in Philadelphia for many years and a
remarkable and wonderful man. He told me that he could fill
Yankee Stadium with all of the Brises he had done over the
years. I couldn’t compete with Rabbi Shoulson because in a
good week I could have two as we had yesterday or three, a
max of 4 kids as we have a few weeks from now but he could
have 4 eight day olds on a good day. The truth is I have
absolutely no idea of how many kids have stood on our Bimah
over the years. I have never counted or tried to count.
Judaism actually has an aversion to counting. Amazing that
so many Jewish boys go into accounting but when we count for
a Minyan we say not one, not two, not three until we don’t
have ten and then we have a Minyan. If I were to tell you
over the years I have officiated at 1,463 that means that
next week’s Bat Mitzvah is number 1464 but she isn’t. She is
number one. Next week, she is in fact the only one who
counts. A few years ago, on this day, I spoke about the
book, "The Present," by the same author of the book "Who
Moved The Cheese," which was the basis of a Yom Kippur
sermon a few years earlier. The idea of "The Present" is to
focus on this present moment. When I stand with our Bat
Mitzvah next week, throughout the entire service and I have
my moment to speak to her, she is number one. We should try
to approach every encounter that way. We should focus fully
on the person we are engaged with at that moment. And when
we interact with kindness and caring and love, we create a
space for G-d’s presence.
On this 40th anniversary of my Bar Mitzvah, I am grateful
that Judaism has been and remains such a vital part of my
life. I feel deeply enriched. I could not imagine living any
other way. You might think that’s how I have to feel, I’m a
rabbi. It’s true, I am a rabbi but even more true and
deeper to the core I am a Jew just like every one of you.
As a regular Jew, I am grateful that Judaism is so central
to my life.
I grew up in a fairly
unobservant Jewish home. I say Jewish home because there was
much in the environment of our home and my grandparents’
home that was Jewish but religious observance was not part
of the package. We ate things that I can only describe as
Glatt Treyf though my parents wanted the day of my Bar
Mitzvah to be celebrated with a Kosher reception. As I look
back on that, I respect it tremendously. It might appear
inconsistent, but I don’t look for consistency. Any positive
Jewish step is a plus. The fact that someone didn’t
celebrate Shabbat last week doesn’t mean they can’t
celebrate this week, even if they might not next week, but
maybe they will again the following week. Maybe someone will
build a Sukkah this year though all of the food in the
Sukkah might not be totally Kosher. But, maybe, next year it
will or in five years or maybe not, but they celebrate the
Mitzvah of the Sukkah. When I was in 11th grade and a waiter
at Camp Ramah, I wrote a letter home telling my mother that
if she wanted me to come home at the end of the summer, the
house had to be Kosher. I don’t know exactly what I was
thinking but this was my mother’s big chance to ship me out
but instead she called the Rabbi and learned what she had to
do and from then on we had a Kosher home. Even after I moved
out, I was always able to come home and eat and I was and am
forever grateful.
The year before my Bar
Mitzvah, when I was in the Hey class, I informed my parents
one night at dinner that I would not be going to Hebrew
High School. Most kids then were not continuing in the 3 day
a week 6 hour program that was held at a different
synagogue. The conversation lasted about 30 seconds. My
father said that I would be continuing and I did. I’m still
not sure why my father, who seldom found himself in the
synagogue was insistent, but I am grateful. Had I not gone
to Hebrew High School, I might be an accountant today which
would be o.k. but I don’t think I would have found the way
to how enriching Judaism came to be.
My religious pendulum has
done some swinging over these forty years. Towards the end
of high school I was becoming more and more religious and
even more to the right of my own rabbi’s comfort zone.
After some of my own life’s traumas, I wondered if I could
ever faithfully lead a congregation in prayer. I had
thought about becoming a Rabbi since my Bar Mitzvah but I
thought I would have to find another line of work. I
studied and struggled somewhat with my own belief and
doubts. I am grateful for the five years I studied at the
Reconstructionist Rabbinical College which gave me the
freedom to learn and explore and grow. One thing did not
change however over those years and that was how important
Judaism was to me.
My religious pendulum does not swing as widely but I am
committed to being open to ongoing change. At times, I find
myself taking a step towards what might be seen as more
traditional and at times a step towards what might be more
liberal or innovative or new. I recommend this for all of us
in our lives in general. Be open to thinking and discovering
and growing and changing. Why be exactly how I was last
year. If I am, what’s the meaning of this year?
So, I’m sure you’ve been
thinking since I began this talk what can we possibly give
him as a gift in honor of his 40th anniversary of becoming a
Bar Mitzvah. I’ll make it easy on you. There is a gift I
have in mind. Your greatest gift would be in joining me in
this journey I have taken since before my Bar Mitzvah to
this present day. The gift that I would love most is for
you to join me in feeling the importance of Judaism in your
life. Join me in celebrating Jewish life. Join me in the
study of our sources and our wisdom. Join me in the
comfort that comes with feeling a connection with
G-d and join me in the
struggle that comes with inevitable questions and doubts.
Join me in feeling the joy I feel of just entering the
synagogue. Enter as often as possible during the year for
whatever your reason is for entering. Today is but a
beginning. Whatever you will do here is good. Join me in my
love for Israel and join me in performing random and not so
random acts of kindness. Join me in celebrating the joy of
being Jewish and remembering the pain of our people’s past
as well.
I have not counted the
number of Bar and Bat Mitzvahs at which I have officiated
but I have clearly counted the number of years since
becoming a Bar Mitzvah. But this new year is year Number
1. This year is the most important. This year is the year
we focus on. This year is the Present and the greatest
present is to take this journey together. May G-d grant us
all the health and strength to continue this journey
together for many years yet to
come.
