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Know
How Much You Matter... in Ohev Shalom
Rosh Hashanah, Second Day
October 5,
2005
You can picture that
proverbial pedestrian walking on the crowded streets of
Manhattan surrounded by hundreds, thousands of people and
feeling totally lonely and alone. How can that be? How can you
feel alone when you're part of such a large crowd?
How about going to a party
where everyone's having a great time, talking, dancing,
laughing yet somehow you feel alone in that happy crowd? How
can that possibly be?
You walk into your synagogue
on the High Holy Days and there's a sea of faces, fewer faces
today than yesterday but they'll be more again next week.
Today is relatively intimate. I hope there is a joy and
comfort in seeing friends you have known and prayed with for
years or new friends recently made but many look out in this
sea of faces and recognize too few and worse, have the
feeling that most people don't know me in my own synagogue.
Maybe that's a good feeling. If they don't know me, they can't
ask anything of me. I can slip in, pray a little and I can
slip out. But its not a good feeling. Being anonymous in a
sea of faces, on the crowded street, at the party where
everyone else is having a great time is an empty, lonely,
feeling.
With that feeling of
anonymity, comes the feeling that I don't really matter. I
don't make a difference. It can happen on the streets of a big
city, it can happen at a party, it can happen in your
synagogue, it can happen in your home. It can be a chronic,
ongoing feeling in life.
We deserve however to feel
that we matter in this world. It was initially, our parents’
job to transmit this message to us. Some of us were more and
some of us were less fortunate here. If it wasn't your
parents, maybe you had a teacher, a coach, a friend, a spouse,
a therapist that has communicated to you how much you matter.
And maybe you have had none of the above.
There is a Chasidic teaching
that a person should carry two little pieces of paper , two
Kvittlach
with him one in each pocket because there is a need to look
at each paper, each
kvittel at different times. On one paper in one
pocket should be written "even before me, the worm was
created." That note is for days when we are a bit too taken
with ourselves, when we feel "I'm all that." and we need to be
brought back to reality. The other little
kvittel in the
other pocket says "I am the ultimate of G-d's creation." I
matter in this
world. I make a difference. That note is for days when we need
that extra boost. You ever have those days? But more than
that little kvittel, who gives us the message, You matter, you
matter to us!
Somewhere in this mix of
transmitting the message of how much you matter ought to be
our synagogue because this message is at the heart of
Judaism. In the first chapter of Genesis, we read "G-d
created humanity in His Image after his own likeness." If
each of us is created in G-d's image then we must matter and
matter a lot. The great 20th century Jewish thinker Martin
Buber taught that each human being is unique and has something
special to offer the world that no other person can possibly
offer. There are no clones here. There is a reason that you
are here. You matter. Woven into the fabric of Jewish
practice is the statement of how much you are needed and
valued and how much you matter.
A few months ago, one Shabbes
afternoon, I read the wonderful play by Patty Chayefsky "The
Tenth Man." On a cold winter morning in a store front shul in
New York, they couldn't start the service until the tenth man
entered but they were stuck . The Shammes started making calls
in search of the tenth and the Minyan. Dear Friends, we are
in search of you! Not only in the realm of prayer but at all
times, know that there are but nine Jews gathered here and you
are the potential Minyan. That is how important you are here.
Without you something is missing. With you, we are complete.
You should not be anonymous. You matter!
Why do I tell you these
stories about the pedestrian in Manhattan, the person at the
party, the Jew in the shul. I am afraid that too many members
of our synagogue family might feel anonymous here. Indeed,
many do feel deeply part of our community and part of our
synagogue family at Ohev Shalom. They speak about how they
love this synagogue and their friends here and the friendships
they have made and how Ohev Shalom has become in way even the
center of their lives. But others feel that they are on the
fringe. Fringes are holy on the Tallit but its not the
intended place to be in our community. Some want to stay right
there on the fringe but others are waiting to be invited
inside. This year of our 30th anniversary, there is an ongoing
open invitation. Come inside. It can be cold on the fringe.
Come in and find the warmth that is surely here.
We call this day, the
birthday of the world. In the creation story G-d tells Adam to
name every living creature. It matters to have a name and be
recognized by name. To be nameless is to be anonymous. In Nazi
Europe, one of the acts of dehumanizing us was taking away
our names and making us into numbers. A number is not a human
being. So Adam named all the animals and then he realized how
lonely he was. There was no one to call him Adam. He felt on
the fringe without any deep connection with anyone. G-d sees
Adam's loneliness and G-d creates for Adam an
Ezer K'negdo, a
mate, a companion and Adam calls her
Ishah. We all
need to feel that we have that companion, that we have
companions here or we're as alone as Adam was in the entire
animal kingdom. Who are our companions here? Who knows our
names in our synagogue which is the place that is to exemplify
Jewish teachings and values? Who reaches out to us here more
than the bookkeeper?
You know the story of Abe and
Esther on their way to their dream trip to Hawaii after being
married 40 years. 30,000 feet in the air they hear the voice
of the pilot saying, our engines have ceased functioning, we
will not reach our destination, but I see a totally deserted
island, where we may be able to make a safe landing on the
beach. However the odds are, we will never be found and we'll
spend the rest of our lives alone on the island. Thanks to
the great skill of the captain and flight crew they landed
safely but in the middle of this G-d forsaken island. A few
hours later Abe turns to Esther and says, Esther, did you ever
send a check to pay our pledge to the shul. Esther can't
imagine why this is on Abe's mind now but she says no! Abe
gives Esther the biggest kiss he gave her in 40 years. Esther
says, Abe, what's that all about? Abe says, "Don't worry,
Esther, They'll find Us"
Exactly, for our pledge,
they'll find us but how about just for me? Do they know my
name?
I want to tell you a story.
Last year, because a confluence of unanticipated factors, the
synagogue was hit with a significant deficit. You can relax.
This is not a fund raising story, I promise. We spent months
cutting expenses, in places limiting staff and asking
remaining staff to take on more responsibility which we are
all doing this year. If we look a bit tired at times, you know
why. We could not afford to offer the usual raise to our
school faculty or our pre-school faculty. What does a raise,
even a small raise say to someone? It's says, we recognize
you and the work that you do and we value you. Each year the
school principal or the Pre School director will tell their
faculty what their raise is but last May, Natalie and I felt
that we needed to go into the faculty and look them in the
eye, tell them what our financial situation was and how sorry
we were that we could not offer a raise and how much we truly
valued them and their work.
The meeting with the school
faculty went as well as we could have hoped. The meeting with
the Preschool faculty was filled with great energy and ideas.
Some members of the faculty are members of the synagogue and
it was clear that each teacher cared about Ohev Shalom as well
as caring deeply about the Ohev Shalom preschool.
One teacher raised her hand.
She said, "I'm a member of Ohev Shalom. I get all the mailings
to programs and fund raisers but there's so many people here,
700 families, I don't think you really ever need me here. I'm
aware of what's going on but I don't usually respond." That
statement hit me between the eyes and it stayed with me for
days and weeks is with me today. I could have gotten myself
and the synagogue off the hook by thinking this is your issue
that you don't feel needed, you don't feel connected, you
don't feel recognized, noticed, valued. But its not just her
issue. It’s our issue.
This year is our thirtieth
anniversary year. There is much we need and want to accomplish
this year. At the top of my list, I would like this year to be
dedicated to our nurturing an environment where we can all
say, I am recognized here, I am valued here and I feel that I
am needed here. Without me something is missing. I am
potentially the tenth person in the Minyan.
Where do we begin? After
much thought, our president Natalie Brooks, our vice
president Dana Podob and I turned to a long time member
Lynne Poritsky to invite a group of our members to come
together and begin to reach out to others in our community
and make new connections. Lynne developed a group of 36
individuals who were touched and delighted to be invited to
help to create a more inclusive community at Ohev Shalom. The
number 36 has great meaning. It is double Chai. We intend to
increase even double the sense of life and vitality in our
community. According to the mystics there are 36 anonymous
righteous souls, the Lamed Vavnicks for whose merit the world
is preserved. Our 36 are not anonymous but together and
together with us, they will create and preserve a new spirit
in our synagogue during this 30th anniversary year.
Thursday evening, September
22, we got a call from Jeff Pevar on behalf of the synagogue.
Jeff is one of these 36. After Janie was on the phone with
Jeff for some 15 minutes, she came to tell me that Jeff just
called to wish us a Happy New Year. Then we received a News
Year Card designed by Arlene Frimark, the following week. It
says The Ohev Shalom difference is you. In appreciation of all
that you mean to our synagogue family, we wish you a happy,
sweet and healthy New Year. Jeff’s wife Diane wrote in
Hebrew Shanah Tovah. Jeff and Diane Pevar and family. Jeff is
a leader of our Men's Club, a participant in our Sunday
morning Minyan, a Torah reader and one of the best souls you
can meet in Ohev Shalom. There are many, many wonderful souls
here at Ohev Shalom and more waiting to be recognized.
I, of course knew the call
and card were coming, but nevertheless, Janie and I found
them both touching. Feeling on the fringe. Rabbis talking
amongst themselves will sometimes talk about the loneliness we
feel even in our own communities. We never become one of the
guys. We chose this role in life and it is a bit of an odd
role. At the same time, we're at the center and we're on the
fringe. Look, you're all out there and I'm alone up here with
the Cantor which is O.K. but I can't even see him over there.
I confess that call and card meant something to us.
As part of this effort to
come to know and recognize each other, we are creating a photo
journal of our synagogue family this year. Please be sure to
schedule a photo shoot. Go into
www.Ohev.org
and find the link to make an appointment. Have your picture
taken, choose your free 8'X 10. Have your picture included in
the journal. Receive your complementary copy of the the
Journal of our Synagogue Family. And when we look through
our journals, we can see each others pictures and names, get
to know each other Panim El Panim, face to face and become
better recognized and better known to each other. Our goal
is for all of us to feel new connections with each other,
with our synagogue, with our community, with Judaism. Our goal
is to feel recognized, valued and appreciated here. For each
member of our synagogue who feels anonymous here, we are
missing the mark. For each member of our synagogue who feels
recognized, connected and valued, we are becoming, during
our 30th anniversary year, the community we have always wanted
to be.
I'd like to take a few
moments now to begin on this path together. You may know the
people sitting right next to you or they may be strangers.
Someone(s) are sitting close to you who either you don't know
or you faintly recognize.
Can we take a few moments to
say hello. Shanah Tovah. Your name. How long have you
belonged. Where do you live? Maybe we'll see each other Kol
Nidre or Yom Kippur. Are you coming to that program on
Saturday night November 12 - An Evening with Mark Salem.
Janie is the chair of that evening and you have all taken note
that I have given it a plug in prime time.
.................................................................................................................
We sing together Heenei
Ma Tov U Ma Naim
And so we have begun. I don't
know every step we should take during our 30th anniversary
year to realize our goal. I know I would like us to arrive at
the place where we will feel recognized, valued and know that
we each matter here.
Whenever we feel the need, we
can look at that little
Kvittel in our pocket that reads “You are the
ultimate of creation. You make a difference. You matter. And
on that paper and in our minds throughout the year, may we
recall that message comes from the heart of Judaism and soul
of our synagogue, Ohev Shalom.
May you enjoy a year in which
you enjoy that feeling of how much you truly matter and how
much you are valued. May you enjoy a year of health, happiness
and sweetness and the fulfillment of all of the worthy wishes
of your heart.
Amen.
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